8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
