Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
