people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
