I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
