i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
