she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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