If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
