literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
