Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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