thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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