If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
