Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
