dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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