ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize