I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
