He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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