I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
As shirtless as possible
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
