this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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