Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
