Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
