Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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