the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
