Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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