Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
