Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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