Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
