guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
