If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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