She is in my trunk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sobbing to NWA
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
