i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
