so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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