very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
