do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
