I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
