That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
