I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
