my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
