Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
