I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
