they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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