My friends, they love my intelligence
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
