I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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