my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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