i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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