I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
