google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My vagina is officially offended.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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