Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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