My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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