I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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