mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize