My hand turned me down
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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