Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
