Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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