Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
