is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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