come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want a musical about memes.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
