My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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