you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No subtext here. People are naked.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
