There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
