After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
