I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
