Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
