I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
