you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
