Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
