I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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