God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
