I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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