I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
