i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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