Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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