shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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